I like how you made the connection of the addiction to the technological world and the rise of neglection within the real world due to the obsession, within the videos and readings. However, I think you should vary your vocabulary or expand on your word choice. For example, within your last sentence, you used the word addicted and addiction three times, in a single sentence. Instead of saying addicted, you could say obsessed or attached. Also, I think you should elaborate or reword the second sentence of the third paragraph because I get a general idea of what you mean but I don’t fully understand what you are trying to say.
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